Fairytales Have Happy Endings

We met in April...

Here we are in December and I remember back in April

wondering whether we would still know eachother come the holidays?

The holidays are here and although he is

in my heart...

in my head...

in my dreams...

in my thoughts...

AND in my prayers...

unfortunately...

He is not here. Not physically here.

I believe!

I believe this will work out for the best and he will come home to happiness again.

I believe this has made our love stronger!

I believe it will grow him and grow me and grow us!

It is definitley growing our love!

A love like we always dreamed of and now we finally have.

A love that NO ONE can take away!

No matter how far he is or how long he is gone...

No One can take away what I feel for him or what he feels for me!

No One can weaken what we have or what we feel for eachother.

We are a Fairytale and Fairytales Always Have Happy Endings!!!

I Wouldn't Change a Thing

This year has been CHAOTIC and I wouldn't change a thing

because it led me to where I am today...

I am in a place...

A very incomparable place with a man I love...

I have written about fear and sadness and unhappiness and uncertainty...

And this is about Love and Happiness and Certainty and Courage
You hear of couples that say

"I can sit in a room with him and be content, completely happy..."

You hear of couples that literally can't live without the other...

One passes from illness or age and the other goes shortly after...

You see couples in restaurants or movie theatres or on the sidewalk or walking in a parking lot that can stop you dead in your tracks because you can feel their passion for each other as they stop in mid walk to hug or kiss or talk face to face with smiles and sparkle...

You dream of a someone when you're growing up as you're growing up and time continues to pass and you begin to wonder if you're dream in unreachable or impossible...

UNTIL the "impossible" happens...

I think I'm still in shock :)

To have the desire to do something anything everything for someone...

Love Desire Passion

To be exhausted and get a second wind because it means you get to do something anything everything with someone...

Love Desire Passion

To love the fact that you can sit across from them at dinner and be so eager to get them home as quickly as possible so you can... well you know ;)

Love Desire Passion

LOVE DESIRE PASSION

What a year it has been Such trials and tribulations

So much drama and despair but

I Wouldn't Change a Thing because

it led me to someone that makes me feel

Love Desire & Passion

I WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING

Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover???

Ok, so perception is reality!

I heard a Really Hot Guy say this the other day and I giggled because it's something I have realized, thought and said for some time.

Attitude Demeanor & Facial Expression are all ways that people "judge a book by it's cover." So for me, I'm typically labeled as bitchy or mean.... or... bitchy or mean... or... SOL

Seriously, it's always the same when people judge me based on initial perception.
No worries.... I have learned to redeem myself.

So I've recently been introduced to several new people and so far 2 of the people (women of course) have mis-judged my personality and/or attitude. Funny thing is if I judged them based on their interaction with me... they would be bitchy or mean too.

Just a little run down on me...
If I could save the world I would... That pretty much says it...

Example: I remember how it felt when I first starting working at the salon. The staff were umm... horrible! I'm going to just leave it at that. Anyway, I had to start at the bottom of course and everyone wanted to be my boss and tell me what to do and not think or care about the way they would tell me what to do and so not only was I trying to learn my job I was also trying to learn who I could rely on or trust or talk to... I was trying to learn everyone as individuals because "team" was non-existent... It Sucked!!!

Oh how things have changed. I run the salon totally different to avoid anyone from ever feeling what I felt...

Although I am notorious for " judging a book by it's cover," but I don't rule anything or anyone out until the times is right (you just know when that is). I rarely base my overall decision to friend someone purely based off perception or even first impression. Maybe it's because I know how I'm usually perceived or maybe it's because I have a better understanding than most in regards to people and how they interact with each other??? Working with the public for a living definitely has something to do with it.

"Guilty until proven innocent..."

This is interesting... This is what happens if I'm not paying attention to my interaction with others, but like I said, I have learned to redeem myself ;)I am aware that I have certain facial expression and demeanor that send the wrong message. I'm just not aware of when I'm doing it.

*sigh*

I guess this can be a new goal for me??? :)

Easier Said Than Done

I was having a conversation with a friend today...

I briefly wrote about her in

"There Are Worse Things In Life"

Anyway, the usual "how you doing" type conversation came up and of course her reply involves being unhappy about choices she has made. Her life seems to be in constant transition... Well, I don't know if this has been much of a transition for her because she keeps doing the same things with the same people and continues to feel the same way because... her words exactly

"I'm scared of change Ang.."

I felt somewhat foolish replying the way that I did considering the way I've been over the last few weeks, but I remembered how good it felt to have someone say things that are true... realistic... positive... etc.

By the end of the conversation she was saying thanks and smiling.

I guess no matter what you've been through if you have encouraging words or reminders it's best to share.

There Are Worse Things In Life

I have had the pleasure of being a leader a guide a mentor, whatever you want to call it, in so many lives.

It's so awkward trying to be that person to someone when you should be listening to your own advice...

A friend who has struggled her entire life to get one step ahead of the game, busts her ass to make things happen for herself or her children... who just wants to build a happy life with someone she can take care of and they will do the same in return... for her children to have the life she never did when she was growing up... the list goes on... I've been in touch with her over the last few days and she's not doing so well. Every time I hang up the phone I realize...

There Are Worse Things In Life...

When I drive home at night I see so much poverty and hunger and lost souls roaming the streets of the city or all piled on a sidewalk to get some rest or visiting with each other on this one corner I pass every night... Last night there were two men sitting on this particular corner, they seemed like that were having such a deep conversation. I wonder what they were talking about??? I'll bet it was something incredible, intelligent and intriguing... I see this everyday and every night now that I live in the city and everyday and every night I see it... I realize...

There Are Worse Things In Life...

How about the woman who rarely sits in my chair to have her hair done because she spends all her time and her energy raising her children and her children's children... Her entire family takes advantage of the fact that she will never tell them no. When she sits in my chair, she unloads. I hear about the neglect towards her and her grandchildren and the struggle she suffers with finances and health issues and all the things she wishes she would have done different and the curiosity she has in regards to how her life could've been different...

There Are Worse Things In Life...

How about the children in this world that never have love or mothers or daddies??? How about the children that are "ruined" because of neglect and will grow up to become disturbed troubled adults that make horrible decisions the rest of their lives because no one cared enough to teach them any different...

There Are Worse Things In Life...

How about the girl I work with??? She had an amazing relationship with her daddy and he recently made the decision that she is no longer his daughter! He dis-owned her if you will... This is killing her on the inside... to add to the stress she is struggling to finish her last semester of school so that she can start her career. Daddy would normally have been there to have her back and give her support, but no more... I have my Daddy so I know...

There Are Worse Things In Life...

Ooh... how about where I was 1 year ago???

There Are Worse Things In Life...

How about the poor???

How about the men and women that leave their family and homes to fight in a stupid war???

How about the families that are effected by a stupid war???

How about those that lose husbands or wives or children or siblings or parents or any family member they hold close to their hearts???

How about those that lose someone they love and never get the chance to tell them how they really feel... I Love You or Goodbye???

How about those who have diseases that are not only incurable, but deadly???

I guess when you get down or lost or confused or scared or sad... Just remember...

There Are Worse Things In Life!!!

Pandemonium

So last month was crazy... stressful... out of control... unpredictable... heart wrenching (literally heart hurting kinda hurt)... confusing... scary... sad... All in All Unstable!

Things are changing...
I have avoided reading specifics to avoid the possibility of being hurt worse, but I made the decision to read today with the hopes that the hurt would help. It's possible my idea may have been the right decision.

I'll never fully understand how 2 beings that are so different are supposed to be united in some way shape or form. Whether it's marriage or dating, how is man and woman the "ideal" couple?
(umm...let me make my self clear when I say... No I'm not changing teams! :)

Maybe I only question it because I haven't found the right man for me? If someone makes me happy and loves me I am willing to do anything for that person. Man or woman and in any form of relationship.

I am an honest person a loyal person an intellegent person a sincere person a positive person an ambitous person...

I want to be with someone who is all of these things back without hesitation or doubt.
I don't think that being with someone is a must, but I am a human being and we naturally get lonely and long for companionship.

I like the direction my life is headed ahora...
I am very pleased with the decisions I've made this year...

I am excited about my future and I know that certain things have not taken place in my life and have taken place in my life because it's all a process of becoming stronger and becoming the person I'm destined to be!

There is a plan for me and in this plan will be great people and great affairs. It's already happening. I've had some incredible conversations with incredible people over the last few days!
"if you take the ica off the end of your name and put it in the front it says i c a angel..." How sweet is that?!?!? :)

I made a few decisions today and all of them were based on me and my needs. I can't change the way people percieve me, but I can change the way I percieve me and I'm worth more than this...
There isn't a remote in the world that could rewind my life, change it and make it any better than it is right now.
2009 has been absolute chaos! Exciting, sad, scary, intriguing, but all in all I've survived every curve ball that's been thrown my way and I'm confident I'm surviving this one...

Reality

A month has gone by and all month I have mixed up my days, hours even the month. I'm reading everything below and it's amusing how far my emotions have come since I started writing.

The past few days have been so strange. My head in one place, my heart in another, reality doing one thing and my emotions were trying to avoid it.

A decision was bound to be made and I almost made the decision myself, but didn't get a response from a conversation I tried to start. It was supposed to lead in to my decision making.
That's ok though, I don't know if I would have gone through with it. Either way a decision has been made to move forward, turn the page, head in to the next chapter...
I forsee my next chapter being so different from this last one. Not better or worse just totally different.

I have discussed my reality over and over and now I'm just exhausted. Last week was amazing and there was hope and the word "when" instead of "if" was used. I had a feeling that these past few days would slowly flush all of the ""when" away and the "if " would manage to take over. Funny what time does to people and emotions and decisions.

Sad... yes
Hard... yes
So many things we never got to do...
And wow!!! 6months...

I'm nervous about where my emotions are headed, but I'll feel better when they get to a different place. Somewhere other than where they are now.

reality...
realistic...
real...
really...

*EXHALE*