Reality

A month has gone by and all month I have mixed up my days, hours even the month. I'm reading everything below and it's amusing how far my emotions have come since I started writing.

The past few days have been so strange. My head in one place, my heart in another, reality doing one thing and my emotions were trying to avoid it.

A decision was bound to be made and I almost made the decision myself, but didn't get a response from a conversation I tried to start. It was supposed to lead in to my decision making.
That's ok though, I don't know if I would have gone through with it. Either way a decision has been made to move forward, turn the page, head in to the next chapter...
I forsee my next chapter being so different from this last one. Not better or worse just totally different.

I have discussed my reality over and over and now I'm just exhausted. Last week was amazing and there was hope and the word "when" instead of "if" was used. I had a feeling that these past few days would slowly flush all of the ""when" away and the "if " would manage to take over. Funny what time does to people and emotions and decisions.

Sad... yes
Hard... yes
So many things we never got to do...
And wow!!! 6months...

I'm nervous about where my emotions are headed, but I'll feel better when they get to a different place. Somewhere other than where they are now.

reality...
realistic...
real...
really...

*EXHALE*