Hard Decisions

So tonight a decision was made... a difficult one at that.
I contemplated how I would handle the call that would eventually take place. Actually, I contemplated taking the call at all and if I took the call how would I behave. Not how should I behave, but how would I behave.
Last night was the first time I felt anger for a consistent amount of time since some unfortunate circumstances have unravelled. Well, I felt angry for a brief moment the other day while having a conversation via IM and I immediately felt horrible and wanted to take it all back, so I did just that.
I'll never understand a fighter... You know the UFC fighters or boxers or wrestlers? They hurt other human beings physically... for a living... I can't hurt someones feelings much less hurt them physically. Except once I punched (ex idiot #1) a guy in the face! I must admit it felt INCREDIBLE! but he deserved it of course :l
Back to the Hard Decision...
So, while contemplating and feeling angry I tried putting the things I want aside and considering the things I don't want and putting them into perspective. I don't want this relationship to become hateful or negative. Nor do I want either of us to feel regret or resentment. These are all feelings and possibilities for both parties if we don't handle the situation with the same maturity and honesty as we have managed to do over the last 5 months.
I thought to myself... "if somethings not working, change it... as hard is it's going to be, maybe distance is best... you can't control the things that are supposed to happen..."
Today came and although I thought long and hard about what needed to happen, I was still anxious about this call because there were some things that were stated that had my feelings in an up roar! I didn't want to react! But, I kinda did...
I hate that I did, I wish tonight's conversation would have gone a little smoother especially since I'm not sure when we will talk again. As much as I try to absorb and "take it all in'' before I speak my mind or react to something or anything for that matter, I guess I'm still human. I still have emotions and ideas and hopes and wishes and feelings and needs and desires and all of these things can take over from time to time and make us behave out of character. I just hope he realizes that. I considered texting, but for some reason couldn't bring myself to do so. I felt like I would have interrupted...
It's funny how 2 people have so much in common, but handle certain situations so different. Hmm... is this another mystery?
So the Hard Decision was to stop communicating. *sigh*
Guess we'll see what happens?...