Preference VS Need

"Adult Relationships based on Need are Vulnerable..."
"Adult Relationships based on Preference are Strong..."

So this past Sunday was an emotional day. Obviously I am in the middle of ''something'' emotional and through this last month, my mother has taken the brunt of all my...

well...

I guess we can call it...

"Manic Behavior."

UGH!!!

My moods have been on a roller coaster!!! This entire year has been quite a ride, but maybe we'll discuss that later?

Anyway... back to this "Manic Behavior." I really don't know what else to call it. I think I've hit the nail on the head with "Manic Behavior!"

I keep saying it in my head and it sounds umm...

Manic! LOL

If you know me, you know that I have self control, I am positive, confident, strong willed, ambitious etc.

So, to think my behavior seems Manic is... absurd!

I am human, I have emotions and I express my emotions, but September has been unimaginable!

A few things to consider...
#1 What I am experiencing is... I'll be vague and say... IT SUCKS!!!
#2 I did start taking Birth Control earlier this month, enough said right?

(*sigh* i hate taking meds!!!)
#3 My Love Interest... denrelototx... This Someone... He... Him...
My relationship with him is??? ...

I have felt like a "Crazy"!!!

One of the "crazy" girls that you and I both know exist and are quite common. We have all met not just one, but several in our lifetime. I don't consider myself to be common or crazy and all I've been doing is behaving like a "crazy"...
Oh NO!!! I've been a "common crazy girl!!!"

*sigh*

So back to Sunday...

I decided to hang out with my brother. I was finally ready for a small change of environment and in need of some new faces. I felt my brother's company would do the trick and it did :)
After being at his home for a little while (he was watching the game and I was reading my book and tuning into the exciting plays when they happened) he finally asked, "So what's been going on?..."

I was strong enough to give him a brief explanation in regards to my recent distance and behavior. He started talking to me about a communications class he is taking and referred to some notes he had written down. On this page were several intriguing topics, but what immediately caught my attention was
"Adult Relationships based on Need are Vulnerable..."
"Adult Relationships based on Preference are Strong..."

Whoa!! Wow!! and WTF!?!? all ran through my mind!!!

Earlier that day I read my horoscope and it stated...
"You should be going through some strange mental upheavals today -- but they're almost all good for you! Expect some weirdly symbolic moments and deeply resonant conversations throughout the day."

I don't think I need to explain my reaction now, right?
The two "adult relationship" statements kept replaying in my head and I realized why everything I was going through seemed heightened.
#1 and #2 reason played a role, but my Preference VS my Need explained #3.

I kept asking myself...
Do I need him? or Do I prefer him?
repeat...
Do I need him? or Do I prefer him?
repeat...

The past 5months were flashing through my mind... everything we have experienced together, everything we've been through, decisions we have made, people we have met, emotions we have discovered and ignored and accepted...
All of it just played through my mind and I realized I don't Need him, I Prefer him!

I've Needed someone before...
STUPID!
Live and learn!
I learned!

I was in a Need relationship for WAY too long... I needed the security. I think it really all boiled down to security. Fearing other possibilities and not taking into consideration that Preferred Possibilities were possibilities too!

ANY Relationship I'm in...

I Prefer

I prefer to keep most people acquaintances and some people friends

I prefer to have strength in my relationships

I prefer to be with "This Someone"

because of the strength I feel in every facet of our relationship.

So my preference to be in an "Adult Relationship" explains my "manic behavior" or what I'd rather call (after coming to this realization) my "Strong Reaction"

Confused?
I'm not... :)